I've long complained that the quality of your average fortune cookie has gone down. I don't mean the cookie -- I mean the fortune. They're not really fortunes at all, now -- you never see "You will meet a woman with dark hair and an unusual past". You're lucky these days if you get some pseudo-wise saying like "you catch more flies with honey than with a fishnet".

Today I got this fortune: "You would make a good lawyer."

I mean, really! If they're just going to insult me, I'm not even going to open the damn things from now on.